Can anyone succeed ?! Probably. It is clear to me that every person can succeed. Will everyone succeed? Probably not. Those who succeed are those who will embrace the experience of failure when they encounter it, will fail in every failure of life as a guide, and that will be their strength.
Reading or reviewing the lives and biographies of the world’s leading and leading successors also presents an array of failures or failures that have become the strength of those successful.
For three decades, I have been accompanying people at different levels of decision and coping. Those who succeeded were those who could embrace their failure / failures.
There are few cases in which a person experiences only the successes and the magic wand of his life works on all levels.
About three months ago, a new customer came to me, who was referred to me by an old client of mine, the new client, a senior manager in the organization, who failed and failed to win a senior position.
I asked him if he really wanted to succeed. He looked at me incredulously and if he was not polite he would have told me, “What’s your nonsense?” .
I asked him if he had failed in the past and how he reacted to failure. The mother managed to embrace his personal failure.
The failure can have many garments and we meet him or rather meet him on every aspect of life, sports, competition, test, coping for role, relationship, parenting, career success, diet.
Success will always be a goal that we have set ourselves and have been able to meet. It will always be personal and the experience of success will always give us positive reinforcement and a sense of victory. The more successes I accumulate in my life-the more important it is for me, the easier I will be able to cope with the challenges and goals I set for myself. It seems very clear.
But what happens when I set a goal for myself and am not in it? The experience of failure is personal and is accompanied by many feelings. Of disappointment, frustration, shame, anger, helplessness.
The pain of failure is personal and it always sits on a history of pain or failure or past memories that evoke the same feelings in me.
What happened to my new client when he did not get the job. The anger for him was terrible. He was very sad, how did his managers in the organization fail to understand that he was the only one suited to the job? That he is the only one who can save the organization? He felt ashamed of what they would say and how he could explain, what would the future look like? What would happen to him? It was a cerebral shake that went through a crushing blender and incorporated most of the possible emotions.
By the time he reached me, he had managed with great skill to provoke antigens from anyone around him. His wife, children, personal friends.
We agreed that the first stage would be for him to experience the intensity of the sense of failure. To allow himself to take out everything that bothers him (everything except in the letter), what frustrates him, what scares him? What are his real fears and fears? What is the worst scenario for him? What does this failure remind him of? What did he do in the past when he failed?
This list had to be prepared for the meeting that took place a few days later. At the meeting I confronted him with the points he had written. Is that really what he feels? Had he allowed himself to go all the way with his feelings? In each section, I asked him to graduate from 1 to 10 and record how this was reflected in his personal life, in the places where he worked. It was at this point that I felt the pain and the feelings. I allowed the intensity of the pain to rise within him and ascertain what his truths were, what he believed that really frightened him at that point in time. Our fears all focus on the two – the fear of losing what we have and the fear that we will not get what we want. The sense of frustration, self-disappointment, and shame turn inward and are paralyzed by action or change, or alternately directed outwardly by anger and guilt.
The process of embracing failure is first to understand what it inspires in me and is it fear or disappointment or shame or perhaps integration? To allow myself the experience of loss and grief, even if it is an event that in the eyes of others is perceived as meaningless. What is really the central point that bothers me in the experience of failure. With some limiting faith she introduces me. I’m not good, I’m not good enough, do not love me, do not accept me. When we focused on the central limiting belief, we examined together the intensity of the pain it provokes and the automatic response it provokes. What patterns of thinking must be changed, what responses to develop. What new programming is needed.
The next step was to embrace the failure and derive from it. Put the failure into proportion on the life axis. The understanding that the failure will not be erased and is permanently burned but is not the essence of everything. Alongside the failure, there are many other things in every human being. At a stage where it is clear that the failure or rather the story of failure has not disappeared and it will remain like a black hole next to which will grow small and large plates. And the meaning of the timeline in life failure will go into proportion. This point can only be reached after overcoming the barrier of shame and disappointment, to look at failure from the outside and to understand that it is part of my life, just as success is also part of my life.
In the next stage, we can embark on a new path to empower and build a clear and practical plan of action in order to meet the next goal and achieve and realize the next goal. So I asked him who you actually were? What personal benefits do you bring with you? What value will an organization gain from its CEO? What will you do differently today than the previous way you worked?
Last week, after several months of joint work, he won a new position that will enable him to express the same strengths and strengths with which he will go everywhere. The failure is now becoming another landmark in life, but only a landmark and nothing more. The new success is also just a landmark in life. Both are necessary landmarks in the life of a true successor.
• Are you ready to do this with yourself?
• Are you ready to embrace your personal failure?
• Are you ready to release the sense of victimhood and connect to your inner sense of power?
• Are you ready to look at your fear in your eyes?
• Are you willing to give up the feeling of shame?
• Are you willing to change your limiting beliefs?
• Are you ready to put your failure into proportion?
• Are you willing to look at the failure from another perspective, too?
• Are you open to looking at yourself beyond the screen of failure?
• Are you willing to understand what you are really worth?
• Are you willing to learn what real value you can bring?
• Are you willing to live life and not just the story you told yourself about life?
• Are you ready to clean the look, dust, stains and scratches?
• Are you ready to be truly successful?
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